The Girl Who Blocked Her Own Shot

If it makes you less sad

I will die by your hand

I hope you find out what you want

I already know what I am

And if it makes you less sad

We'll start talking again

And you can tell me how vile I already know that I am

I'll grow old

And start acting my age

I'll be a brand new day

In a life that you hate

A crown of gold

A heart that's harder than stone

And it hurts a whole lot

But it's missed when it's gone

Call me a safe bet

I'm betting I'm not

I'm glad you that can forgive

Only hoping as time goes

You can forget

If it makes you less sad

I'll move out of the state

You can keep to yourself

I'll keep out of your way

And if it makes you less sad

I'll take your pictures all down

Every picture you paint

I will paint myself out

It's as cold as a tomb

And it's dark in your room

When I sneak to your bed

To pour salt in your wounds

So call it quits

Or get a grip

Say you wanted a solution

You just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet

I'm betting I'm not

I'm glad that you can forgive

I'm only hoping as time goes

You can forget

You are calm and reposed

Let your beauty unfold

Pale white like the skin

Stretched over your bones

Spring keeps you ever close

You are second hand smoke

You are so fragile and thin

Standing trial for your sins

Holding onto yourself the best you can

You are the smell before the rain

You are the blood in my veins

in need of prayer.....

12/04/09

so i have my flight to lynchburg on tuesday. its a red eye flight..... i dont really know what to say about that.

im really excited to go! im just excited about all aspects of it.... liberty university... seeing my moms family.... see nanette and the gang... and of course seeing kirsten!!!!! hahha

i keep receiving emails from jose.
he doesnt have my phone number anymore so he just emails me.
in just 2 days ive gotten 11 emails! all of them sound the same to me. i feel like my inbox is having deja vu hahha.
i defenitly could use prayer.

i dont really feel wrong or bad about my decision though. i feel good about it.

God is also showing me that its the right choice.
my mom says if things are happening that are in gods will then its just like riding a wave.... so right now im riding the wave of gods mercy and grace.

he is faithful and is keeping me strong.

Phillipians 4:8